Banana Weekly

Archeological Find Brings Ancient Vegetables Into Public Eye

By Barry Leif

A century and a half ago they were considered dragons and myths, but today the they are the stars of the natural history museum. That's right, I am talking about vegetables. Those lovable giants from another age catch the imaginations of Banastanis from the days of their shoots until they are covered in spots. Thanks to renowned paleontologist Dr. Green Branchley there will be even more of these long-gone behemoths on show at Banana City's Museum of Natural History. The newly discovered pieces will be installed in their exhibits just in time for the museum's annual fundraiser.

What do we really know about the creatures that even in death can draw so much attention? Vegetables roamed the earth millions of years ago. Thanks to some significant environmental differences the world was dominated by gargantuan produce while the ancestors of today's fruits spent most of their days hiding in caves and trees from their larger neighbors. At the time of the vegetables all modern fruit had a common ancestor in the aptly named cherry tomato. Tomatoes were a highly desirable meal. Carnivorous vegetables like Peppersaurus rexes and velociradishes gobbled up tomatoes with ease as an alterative to hunting bigger, harder to kill game. Among this game were hardy eggceratops and anklobeetuses. Both of these herbivores had hardened defenses that were difficult for predators to crack. Whatsmore, some paleontologists speculate that predators would at times pass up an opportunity to eat certain vegetables because of their taste. Scientists have discovered that unlike modern fruit, most vegetables had lower sugar contents and were less likely to grow in bunches. Some have think the latter fact helps explain how these ancient creatures could mature to such a large size.

The great size of the vegetables likely contributed to their downfall. While there is not scientific consensus on what killed the vegetables, the dominant theory is that environmental change resulted in lower vegetables populations that were ultimately wiped-out by a large asteroid striking the earth. Others believe that intense volcanic activity blotted out the sky with soot, preventing most plants receiving enough sun to photosynthesize enough energy for the vegetable's ecosystems. The theories are not entirely incompatible given that the potential asteroid crashed during a period of prolonged large scale volcanic activity. The hellacious conditions made life for the large more energy-intensive vegetables impossible, but smaller creatures such as the cherry tomatoes were able to eek by. Millions of years later the descendants of those tomatos use the liquified remains of vegetables and other biological matter in vegetable oil. What once hunted our ancestors now powers our cars and cities.

Dr. Branchley hopes that this will not be the last major find he makes in the Brown-Spot Desert of south Bananastan. For now he plans to collaborate with colleagues in Pearu on another excavation in the Pearuvian mountains. Despite political tensions he will visit a site in the Watermelon Union late next year. When asked about that upcoming trip he responded, "It is strange, but I find that looking at these creatures that are so different from us can unite us as fruit. There are so many things we have in common that they do not. There are also so many things we have in common with these giant produce from another time. Maybe fruits and vegetables are not all that different."